Ministry Journey Blog

Thoughts on Ministry

12 Mar

Thoughts on Being a PK (Pastors Kid)

Posted in Uncategorized on 12.03.19 by Merlyn

Below is a blog post that my friend and colleague, Dan Bellinger wrote. You can visit his blog page here.

I’m a part of an exclusive group of people in the world, as I’m a pastor’s kid. Growing up, many of my closest friends were PK’s. The childhood of PK’s is different and weird, for many reasons, mostly because of your parent’s career choice. There are many cool things that came out of my dad’s choice in vocation, primarily my call to ministry. My experience helped me learn to adapt to new situations and helped me meet people from all over the world. But not all pastor’s kids have the same experience.

Many, if not most, of the people I grew up with, had close family and family friends living nearby. I never had the privilege of living near my grandparents. Often many of my friends had cousins and aunts and uncles nearby, I never did. This meant that the holidays were always chaotic, but it also meant that special times, like birthdays, were celebrated away from my home. 

I moved quite a bit as a pastor’s kid. I moved when I was 5 months old, 4 years old, 9 years old, 13 years old. I’m a more reserved person, so this was a difficult thing for me. I remember one time we moved, we couldn’t keep our dog with us, I loved my dog. Another time, I remember the impact of losing all my really close friends, and having to make all new friends in a new town; that was rough. I always felt that I was new and that I didn’t quite belong, at least as much as everybody else. They were “from here”, I moved here.

The house I lived in, was a parsonage. And from a very young age, I had to be aware that my home wasn’t our home. One church didn’t let my dad mow our own lawn. When my brother and I got into a fight and put a massive hole in the wall, it wasn’t a private matter, it was something that had to be discussed with church people, a fact that we were quite well aware of.

Even going to church was weird. Everybody knew who I was at the church, while at the same there were many people I didn’t know. This was a difficult thing, can you imagine people knowing personal details about you when you barely recognize them or remember their name? It’s an unsettling feeling. There could be a group of kids playing, and I would be the one that was recognized. We would all be doing something, but I was the one who’s parents heard about it.

Many people had an opinion about the way that I acted or how I should have acted. They weren’t afraid to share this opinion with us or my parents. Like all normal children, there were times I struggled to follow the rules. Unlike many children, I experienced church in a fishbowl. All of this was because of the career and calling that my father chose. As you can imagine, this pressure and lifestyle lead many PK’s to struggle with church. 

As a pastor, who now is the father of 2 PK’s, I’m a bit more aware of this reality. I get to watch my kids — and Jessica and Marcus’ kids for that matter— grow up with the same awareness that I had. Everybody knows their names and knows about their lives. And like my parents, I get the behavior reports from people in the congregation about my kids. And while I am thankful to be a part of a church who loves and supports them, I hope that their experience is healthy and normal.

With that in mind, here are my tips for how to act around pastor’s kids:

Please pray for our PK’s as their life can be tricky. 

Remember you probably know more about them than they do about you and that this can feel awkward to a child and teenager.

Keep comments about clothing, hairstyle, etc. positive and rare. Making critical comments about how they look can hurt kids and are inappropriate.

Treat them like any other kid in church. They’re normal kids, just have parents with a unique job.

We know they misbehave. Unless they’re hurting somebody or something no need to report. 

Like most kids, sometimes they’re not comfortable talking to adults.

Being critical, mean, and judgmental about a pastor’s kid feels like an attack on their parent.

As a pastor, I am aware that my kids didn’t ask for the PK life that they live. As our families join us in our work, please know we are trusting you with them. Being a loving and supportive church family to our families is the greatest gift you can give any pastor.

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01 Mar

Airline Rankings

Posted in Uncategorized on 01.03.19 by Merlyn

I decided to update my airline ranking from last year given that I have been doing a lot of traveling the last year. My work in ministry has had me traveling all around. I have had the privilege to travel to 40 states, 25 countries (not counting U.S.) and 5 continents since graduating high school. In that time I have flown with many airlines. Some are still operating, others are not. Some were major airlines, others were not. Some were U.S. based airlines and others were not. Below are my rankings for airlines I have flown with that are still operating from best to worst.

1. Qatar

2. Southwest

3. Delta 

4. Cathay Pacific/Cathay Dragon

5. Swiss Air

6. American

7. Lufthansa

8. Turkish airlines

9. LATAM Air

10. Qantas

11. Virigin Australia

12. Kenya Air

13. KLM

14. United

15. US-Bangla Airlines

16. Frontier

17. Allegiant

18. Air Buddha

19. Jet Star

20. Biman Bangladesh Airline

21. El Al

600. China Eastern

666. Air Canada

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11 Jan

The Joy of a Great Team

Posted in Uncategorized on 11.01.19 by Merlyn

I was reminded yesterday how much joy it is to have a great staff and leadership team. In any organization, especially a church, having a diverse, quality, unified team is one of the greatest assets that you can have. Having a great team is more than just hiring well, its creating a healthy, honest culture of freedom, grace and accountability. How is your team and your team culture?

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19 Nov

Next Level Conversation

Posted in Uncategorized on 19.11.18 by Merlyn

This weekend we had our church council (our leadership body) yearly retreat. of all these types of events and meetings that I have been a part of throughout my career. Its not that it was deeply profound, rather our time together was quite simple. The thing that made this retreat great was the level and depth of conversation. There was tremendous thought, prayer, ownership and depth. It was a turning point in our ministry in my mind as our leaders took their thinking to the next level. It was a simple moment that I am quite thankful for and makes all the effort to get to this point well worth it.

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15 Oct

LCMC

Posted in Uncategorized on 15.10.18 by Merlyn

Last week I was at our LCMC (Lutheran Congregations in Mission for Christ) annual gathering in Iowa. I was humbled and honored to teach a breakout seminar on leading through change. I love this gathering and this association of churches, it is so healthy and refreshing. The way of the future of the church is flat without hierarchy, but with deep connection and support. The LCMC is a perfect model of that and I am honored to be a part of it!

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15 Sep

Gatherings

Posted in Uncategorized on 15.09.18 by Merlyn

Today was our regional gathering for NALC (North American Lutheran Church) churches for Indiana and Kentucky. I am on the council and spoke twice today. I got to share two sessions on technology, one on discipleship and the other on marketing. It was an interesting experience. I am not an expert on these things but was willing to speak. I enjoy speaking and I enjoy many of my colleagues. It may not be the most life giving environment, but it is always an honor to speak to colleagues and to build up other churches.

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27 Jul

Reflections on Mission

Posted in Uncategorized on 27.07.18 by Merlyn

This summer, we as a couple had the privilege of giving a chunk of the short summer (our summer here is only about 10 weeks long) to missions. Over the course of June and July we served 17 days on two different trips.

In June, we led a team of 9 from our church on a mission trip to Kenya. We patterned with a missionary with connections to our church. For the first time, she received guests from her home church and her family. During our time there we visited people in the slums of Kenya and provided food as well as spiritual food. We also had the chance to work with children in the schools of the slums, connecting with them, serving them, and leading activities for them. Another aspect of our mission trip was to do a Bible study together in a rural area with women who have HIV. They have been ostracized from their families and villages and valued not only Bible study and a meal, but healthy emotional and physical attention that they do not get. There were many other aspects to this trip and it was so powerful to watch a diverse team, people of privilege from age 14 to 82 give their time to serve.

In July we went to Calcutta India to serve together. It was just the two of us and the focus of our tie was to teach and evangelize. We led a conference for 150 current and future pastors from India and Bangladesh. These are pastors who in comparison with US pastors have little to no formal training and do not have a regular opportunity to gather for education. We provided the content for the conference and they led the worship. It was a beautiful time in the Kingdom of God as we were joined also by students from the seminary (for us, an associates at a Bible college) that are pursuing their call to serve the Kingdom in a nation that is not primarily Christian. We were blessed by this time and honored to teach on leadership, discipleship, teaching and more. 

We have always recognized that we have a call to serve, not just in our own town. Jesus was clear that we are called to our town, region, state, country and the world. To the ends of the earth. While we could focus on what we do not have, we have so much and we have been blessed with resource, opportunity and education. It is a gift to serve others and it is humbling to find that we often get more out of serving than we feel that we have given.

We do not see ourselves as missionaries, but we are certainly called to missions. We love where we live, but we love culture and the world. We worship and serve a global God.

Serving in the second and third world is eye opening as it is a reflection of how most of the world lives. It is bittersweet in many ways. We find thankfulness for all that we have both in possession and opportunity. We are thankful for new relationships and connections. We find ourselves humbled by a people that are more gracious, kind, warm and hospitable than the people of resource we encounter every day in our own country. We are energized and embarrassed to find that the people in this country that by comparison have absolutely nothing are far more happy and joyous than we whom have so much. We are challenged to see a faith that is much deeper and more mature than the faith we find in Christian churches and people in the United States. The culture shock is not found in being in poverty, it is found in coming back to a place of resource that lacks joy ad depth, to find a church and faithful that are often more focused on personal preferences and comfort than the Gospel of Jesus. That is the hard truth and the gift of missions is that we can confront it and we can learn from our brothers and sisters who have a faith in God that is so deep because without God, they truly have nothing. Perhaps their inclination to start with God instead of our tendency to go to God as a last resort is our first step in learning to have a deeper, more mature faith even in the midst of our resources. We are given much and we are to use that not for our own comfort and gain, but to serve and bless others. That is the Gospel. As Jesus notes, it is certainly hard for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God. 

We are neither great nor special because we have given or served, we are simply trying to be the people who Christ has called us to be. In doing so, we have found more reasons to live and thinking differently, more things to learn, more ways to grow. We have found few reasons to pat ourselves on the back. Our hope is that what we have experienced may be shared, after all, not everyone can go to Africa and Asia, but we can all learn from our brothers and sisters around the world.

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22 May

Name that Disease

Posted in Uncategorized on 22.05.18 by Merlyn

Health is important, not just to people, but to churches and organizations as well. Consultant Patrick Lencioni states, “Organizational health trumps everything.” For me, as a Pastor, I am not interested in leading the biggest, richest, hippest or best church, but I am determined with every fiber of my being and with every minute of my work here to do all I can to ensure that any church I serve is the healthiest church that it can be. Church health will always trump any worship style, preaching charisma and budget that could ever come into existence.In order to be healthy as a church, we must avoid illness as much as possible. What are the diseases that plague the church of Jesus Christ in North America today?

 

The Flu

If you have ever had the flu, you know it is not fun. When the flu hits, everything else stops. You feel utter helplessness as you have no control over your body. Unresolved conflict as well as conflict handled in an unbiblical way is the flu of the church. The good news is that most often it is preventable by its own flu shot, Matthew 18. Jesus gives us specific instructions on how to deal with conflict and in dealing with it in the way that Jesus has instructed, we are able to avoid the additional suffering that comes with this flu virus of the church. Every church should have a conflict covenant based on Matthew 18 and that conflict covenant that is more important to us than the church constitution or any policy or procedure the church might have.

 

Heart Disease

Heart Disease is not always noticeable, seems innocent enough but can be deadly. The heart disease of the church is drama. Drama is common, seems innocent enough and on the surface seems entirely innocent. Drama is exhausting, especially in the church. Satan loves drama because it is incredibly distracting and deeply discouraging to those in leadership and those who have to waste their time dealing with it instead of doing the important work of the ministry. I have a preteen daughter, that is more than enough drama for me.

(keep in mind, I am not a medical expert, I am not that kind of doctor…)

 

Cancer

Gossip is the cancer of the church. This is especially said because gossip is extremely common and incredibly preventable. It breaks my heart to see gossip ruin churches. Jesus knew this was going to be a risk and that is why he offered the teaching in Matthew 18, not just for conflict resolution, but also for gossip prevention. The apostle Paul speaks out strongly against gossip as well as he saw first hand the destruction, pain and havoc it created for churches. Gossip is a toxin and is not something I ever want to permit, something that I have confronted on more than one occasion in my career.

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12 May

Perspective: If we only knew…

Posted in Uncategorized on 12.05.18 by Merlyn

They say that if children came out of the womb as teenagers, nobody would have more than 1. Being the father of a son and daughter in the throws of the adolescent journey, I tend to agree with this statement. Another phrase that has been on my mind lately is, ‘death by paper-cut.’ Its kind of self explanatory, it is the slow, annoying, painful death by thousands of little paper cuts. 

The truth is that it is not the big things that often get us, but the little things. 

In any given week as a pastor, I deal with a wide range of things from the small to the massively significant, from the normal to the ‘you couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried.’ I see people hurt by stuff that does not and should not matter and I watch people bravely tackle things that would emotionally cripple most people. I get spend hours with people in the midst of their loss and often even more time with people complaining about not getting their way on something so petty it makes you want to jump out a window.

 

The older I get and the longer I am in ministry the less tolerance, patience, grace and time I have for petty, dramatic bullshit. Every job has it, but in most cases, followers of Christ should know better. If pastors had any idea that amount of petty, selfish drama they would have to deal with, I suspect very few would go into ministry. Petty drama is the ‘death by paper cut’ of ministry. After sitting with a woman in her early thirties, a mother of two young children who has lost her husband suddenly in a car accident, one gets perspective. After spending months walking with two parents my own age as they grapple with the sudden and unexpected death via suicide of their 16 year old son, one realizes how small their problems really are. After walking with people through all sorts of victory, suffering, challenge and joy, one gains a perceive of what really matters and loses tolerance and grace for things that could not possibly ever really matter.

It can be hard to be patient, gracious and understanding reading just one more email from an overly entitled person who is complaining once again that they have not been catered to in the way they would like as it relates to an issue that is so minor, its not worth even mentioning. In the back of my mind, I think of people who have real problems, I think about the things that I could be spending my time on that matter so much more and actually impact lives and the kingdom. Sometimes I want to scream. Sometimes I want to run. Sometimes I want to reach through the computer and… 

…pat somebody on the head and simply say in the most southern way possible, ‘bless your heart.’

 

In ministry, drama is a reality. Pettiness is part of the job. It is something that Christ knows well as the overly religious people in his day acted the same way. It is not the way it should be. It does not deserve our time. It is a tool that Satan loves to use to distract and discourage. Drama is toxic and it will never, ever be worth the time of any pastor who is trying to change lives in the name of Jesus.

Regardless of ones political perspective, its interesting to watch the culture of drama different presidents allow. President Obama was infamously known as ‘no drama Obama.’ President Trump by his own direct admission loves the environment of drama, infighting and competition as a way of informing decision making. While drama might have a place in government, it has no place in the church and no place in the Kingdom of God. 

 

My new goal as a pastor is to find a way to be kind and gracious in the midst of drama while giving it absolutely no time and attention, especially the petty stuff, because thats what it deserves and that is what is right and healthy for the church. I am committed to the things that actually mater: caring for people in deep pain, reaching people for Jesus, making disciples, serving my community and building the Kingdom of God in my circle. There is nothing more beautiful and powerful in the world than watching someones life transformed in Jesus. As for petty drama, it can go back to where it belongs, residing in the fires of hell with Satan.

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26 Feb

Crisis and Care

Posted in Uncategorized on 26.02.18 by Merlyn

One of the things that I am always honored to do, but prefer not to have to do is to walk with people in crisis and loss. There has been a lot of that the past several months in our church and community with many people in need of care. In a one week period, I performed 5 funerals, of which two were 16 and one 30. That is not the way it is supposed to go and it was not easy, nor is it something I would want to do. Yet, in the midst of that, I am humbled, honored and grateful to care for people in difficult times and times of need. Dealing with crisis, loss, pain and suffering is a part of the call to ministry, whether you serve a church or not, are full or part time and regardless of what role you hold in the church. For some this work is natural, for others it is not. For some it fits their gifting, others it is a great stretch. Regardless of where you find yourselves, it is always draining. In fact, we use more energy on our emotional work than our intellection work (2nd) or physical work (3rd). I have seen this in my career and learned this in the process of training my border collies as well.

For me, helping people in these moments is one of my strong suits and whether a combination of natural gifts, learning or experience, something that I have sadly become gifted in doing. I am honored to care for people in this way, though it has led to more frequent hair coloring appointments! We should never be alone in this thing called life, it is just too hard, it is not the way God intended it to be. We need each other. There are few greater honors than walking with someone in the midst of their pain an grief. It is part of the deal with this thing we call ministry.

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